8 Signs He’s Just Not Into You!

Chike Oranye
8 min readApr 24, 2023

Men! They are straightforward, simple beings. Their “YES” means “YES”, and their “NO” means “NO”. They engage in direct speech, and their primary reason for communication is usually to disseminate information and not for affection. Just like the first part of this “series”, I am here once again to dish out

I do not care how bad you want him; if “He” displays the signs I am about to share with you, call it quits, my dear; whatever you planned or wanted to happen in your head will not come to fruition. And just for the record, know I take no pleasure in doing this.

This post might be shorter than the last one, you know, because of how straight to the point this gender is. Women! Men are not confusing. The sooner you take Men literally by their words and actions, the better you will be.

Anyway, let us begin!

SIGN 1: HE TELLS YOU HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP

I started with this because it is one of the most glaring signs women miss. He will not change his mind later, so going with the flow will only hurt you in the long run. If a guy is interested in you romantically, he will tell you. Plain and simple. If he says things like “let’s see how this goes”, “can’t we just be friends”, or, as the sign above, “I am not ready to be in a relationship”, take your L, boo. He is not interested in you. Plain and simple. I know it hurts, but

SIGN 2: HE NEVER INITIATES COMMUNICATION

Men know that women tend to want their time and attention. If they are interested in you, they will initiate communication to consistently give you their time and attention. If the man you have a crush on does not do this at all, well, now you know. He does not want you, and no, he is not busy. In the last post, we have already established that humans tend to make time for people, places, and things they deem necessary. Also, men tend to put their best foot forward in the initial stages of courtship and not initiating contact is not “the best foot forward approach.”

SIGN 3: HE IS NEVER INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU OR BEING SEEN WITH YOU

A man interested in you romantically will want to see you. He will try to create opportunities to see you. If he is not interested, he would not mind not seeing you for long periods or not at all. He would also not want to be seen with you.

On the few occasions he says he wants to see you, he is either bored or horny. You will know this because the plans will always seem last minute, and yeah, most of the “times” to “see you” will be at night. In some cases, the location he gives to see you will be in unknown places, so no one will recognise him when he is with you.

SIGN 4: HE HAS NO DESIRE TO PROVIDE FOR YOU

I know this point I’m about to make is weird because of the 21st-century dating dynamics of a 50–50 split when paying bills. But men have this innate knowledge that one of their primary responsibilities is providing. Gone are the days when men provided by hunting animals and tilling the ground to plant and farm (well, some men still do this but with heavy machinery that boosts effectiveness and efficiency).

A man interested in you romantically will want to provide for you. He will want to show that he is someone you can depend on. Now, ladies, know that money is not the only thing men provide for their partners in a relationship, but it is still essential. Also, note he may not be wealthy. Still, if he is interested, that desire to provide for you — especially financially — and to hold his own will be there. (Keyword: Desire). You will see him pay for things he can afford,e.g. by buying you little trinkets, flowers, gifts etc.

If he is not interested, best believe my guy will be inconsistent and not give a damn about you.

Quick side note here, ladies, you need to know the difference between a frugal man and a man who is reluctant to provide for you. A frugal man optimises his expenditure and quality of life. For example, when buying gifts for you, a frugal man is likely to take advantage of sales and discounts but is still prepared to pay the total price for a quality item.

When he is not interested in you romantically, he will be reluctant to provide nor place himself in scenarios that give opportunities to provide for you, primarily financially, even though he generously and happily provides for other people, including other women in his life. He does this because he would not want you to get wild ideas that he is trying to be seen as your provider. If you two go out on a “date”, best believe you’re going to be splitting the bill 50–50 so have some — I can hold my own because I’m responsible adult money — handy at all times for you may not know when it would come in handy.

SIGN 5: YOU DO NOT KNOW HIS FRIENDS OR ANY SIGNIFICANT PERSON IN HIS LIFE

A man interested in you will want his friends and the essential people in his life — his trusted inner circle — to know you. Interested men will find ways to incorporate you around their friends and family. If he isn’t interested, you better change your name to Casper because all you are is a friendly ghost.

I know what you are thinking, “oh, some guys introduce you to their friends and, in some cases, their parents, and they don’t even really like you; they just want to use you”, but hear me out, which of these options looks like a good sign? Option one, you don’t know anybody in his life. You know he has friends. Still, you’ve never met them, and you know he has a family, but he never mentions them around you. If he happens to bump into people he knows when he is with you, he never introduces you to them, or, option two, you’ve met his friends and family, and he quickly and freely introduces you to people he knows when he is with you?

SIGN 6: HE IS NEVER CHIVALROUS WITH YOU

I know we have all heard the saying, “chivalry is dead”, but a man interested in you would not mind doing some chivalrous things for you even when it is not in his nature. If you tell him, let’s say, for example, you like it when he opens doors for you or maybe you love to eat from his plate during dinner once in a while. Those things may bug him, but he would not mind doing it for you. If he is not interested in you, he’d rather eat glass.

Okay, maybe the part about eating glass was exaggerated, but you get the picture.

SIGN 7: HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN KNOWING YOU DEEPLY

A man who is not interested in you will not care to ask questions about your life, goals, dreams, or aspirations. And when you do tell him, he never seems to remember a word you say. Why? Because he does not care, and why doesn’t he care? Well, Because he is not interested in you. Also, on the flip side, he will not want you to know him deeply, either. The shallow end of the pool is just fine with him.

SIGN 8: HE HAS DISMISSIVE BODY LANGUAGE WHEN HE IS AROUND YOU

Actions they say speak louder than words. We as humans tend to want to close the distance and initiate physical touch with those we find attractive or love. If you two are together, and he avoids eye contact and keeps his distance to avoid physical contact altogether — usually because he feels uncomfortable when he is near you — babe, he is not interested. If a guy likes you, he might not say it directly, but he’d communicate through his body language. He’d try to break the touch barrier by touching you in non-sexual areas like your shoulders or arms.

Let us be honest here, ladies. One thing you have been blessed with is the power of intuition. You can feel it even if you may want to deny the facts presented before your eyes. If your gut is telling you he is not interested, it is because he is not. Don’t feel bad. The sooner you accept your “L” and move on, you’ll be better off. Hey! They say rejection is the process we all must take to find our soulmates.

Okay, I lied. I was the one who just came up with that at the spur of the moment. Also, avid readers of my blog would know that we’ve already established soulmates do not exist, so SIKE!!!

I suggest you read THE blog post I Wrote on myths about relationships if you’re still confused about the existence of soulmates.

--

--

Chike Oranye

I teach the unspoken laws & principles that guide healthy romantic relationships and marriages.