Don’t Fall for This Relationship Trap

In my industry, we call this mistake “The Fundamental Attribution Error”

In romantic relationships, the fundamental attribution error happens when people blame their partner’s actions on their personality A.K.A. “who they are as a person”, but excuse their actions because of outside/external reasons beyond their control.

For instance, let’s say your partner forgets your anniversary. Instead of considering that they might have been busy or had something else on their mind, you might think, “They forgot because they’re thoughtless.”

But if you forget an important date, you might say, “I was really busy that day.”

This error always leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict because it overlooks the role of situational factors and events that influence your partner’s behaviour.

Now you know about this, here’s how you tackle it…

1. Stay Curious
Learn to remain curious and lovingly ask your partner questions. Never assume or conclude anything without talking to your partner about it. Learn to challenge your assumptions and beliefs about your partner’s behaviour. Instead of immediately assuming anything or jumping to conclusions, question whether there could be another reason for their behaviour and ask them (your romantic partner) about it.