In the confines of a monogamous relationship with the terms and conditions of staying in the relationship being both parties aren't allowed to be with other people emotionally and sexually, when one or both parties breach that arrangement, it's called cheating. As a polyamorous, you are not obligated to such rules or confines and are free to he with whomever you wish. I know it's frustrating but not everyone can be with or handle the very fine lines that come with being a swinger.